It struck me today, that I've been complicit in a deceit.
The continuing deceit, in fact, of generations of girls by their mothers.
If I paint you a picture, it may seem familiar. My mum worked in the home - made dinners, cleaned the house, organised everyone, - and, at times, took on variously paid work out of the home. She didn't complain. (That was the arena for the next generation of feminists.) My mum's feminism never sat still - it involved supporting kids, husband and home in a never-ending whirl of activity. She listened to my father, endured our constant queries, gave late-night telephone support to countless female friends as they divorced, dated, and divorced again. She found time to join in the divorce boom herself, and subsequently listened as my sister and I contemplated lives that would avoid marriages and mortgages.
Now, I work silently in the home, bringing up my three kids, coaxing my partner through the daily tribulations of his own business, and putting in the maximum hours in my paid job that childminders and Easter playschemes will allow.
Am I telling my girls the secret truths of what I've learned? Do I dash their hopes by telling them they will work harder for less money than their male counterparts? Do I tell them now that they will breastfeed through the night while their partner sleeps soundly? Do I counsel celibacy or life on a Kibbutz? Do I remind them that Spanish law was changed recently to give equal responsibility for housework to both partners, the failure of which can be cited in divorce proceedings, even though in our house it's just females who hoover and polish?
Or do I rant in the blogosphere... and keep my girls in blissful ignorance for a while longer.
Perhaps some mothers of boys out there are busy instilling new values in their offspring, that will bring about a true revolution... I can't see how they could do this? Maybe by paying childcarers as much as minders? By citing empathy and love for your children as really manly traits?
My mum also used to say 'Be careful what you wish for - for you will get it.' Hmmmm.
