Over time I am definitely losing my hearing in my left ear. That's either from too many loud gigs whilst working as a music journalist, or because that's the side that Joe sits, sleeps and drives and he talks very softly and I claim not to be able to hear him. It is a good arrangement. When he forgets to tell me things, he blames my hearing. When he tells me stuff I don't want to do, I blame my hearing.
Today I woke to weird scrunching noises in my own ear, as if a burrowing alien were excavating my brain. Which either means a burrowing alien IS excavating my brain, or shower water and ear wax are a chemically unstable mix. For some reason, this has led me to be reminiscing, looking through Facebook at old photos of friends, pondering poems written years ago and wondering about the memories our kids will have in years to come of these days.
So here's a bunch of stuff from a Facebook game to write 25 things about yourself, kinda from years to ears.
1.I hate creamed spinach, oysters, asparagus, caviar. This either means I'm just not posh enough, or I don't like to eat things that taste like bogies/sperm/sand. I'd sooner actually eat bogies, sperm or sand. Aw gawd, moving swiftly on...
2.I have one tattoo, two birthmarks,and three tiny scars.
3. I am allergic to penicillin, and strawberries (if I eat more than four basketful's - that's not punnets, I mean the baskets you collect them in at Tiptree which weigh about as much as a baby rhino - after which I turned pink all over.)
4. I have lived in more than 29 houses and had over 25 jobs, or the other way round, I can no longer remember.
5. If you google me (as Penny Lapenna) the first 22 entries are all actually me.
6. I was once called a tørstenslakar - which was a compliment in Norwegian.
7. I woke one morning (aged about 14) to find snow on the end of my bed when our roof was removed to build an additional floor. That week our cat had six kittens which meant 10 felines were running around the house and attic and my French penfriend arrived to the lasting impression that all the English are eccentric maniacs.
8. My middle name is Jane because Penny Lane was my dad's favourite Beatles song. Maybe.
9. I am a true Cockney because I was born within the sound of Bow Bells.
10. I am scared of heights.
11. Every once in a while I put on Smells Like Teen Spirit and head bang/air guitar.
12. I would like to die saying "Watch this!" whilst attempting to drive/manoeuvre a combine harvester.
13. I like marzipan, sugared almonds, vanilla slices, caramel, Dime Bars, pecan pie and golden syrup pudding.
14. I once made a chilli so hot that I had to watch an entire movie with an ice-cube on my lips for fear that the swelling wouldn't go down.
15. My dad is JR. But not Ewing.
16. I have had foot and mouth. I may have started the epidemic.
17. On a similar note I did once dare a storm to do its worst which resulted in the famous 1987 English storm that downed six of the seven ancient oaks in Sevenoaks. Oops.
18. I am immune to rubella so didn't need the BCG injection which they gave me by mistake.
19. I spent one year of a 3 year degree course at Royal Holloway College, whose main buildings used to be Royal Holloway Sanatorium. I can still hear the shrieks.
20. I have been to Skaagen Beach in Denmark where you can see two seas meet.
21. I was supposed to fly to Seattle to interview Nirvana but while I had flu the job was nicked by another music journalist. (Not what I call him). But I did interview Pop Will Eat Itself while Siouxsie and the Banshees tried to distract their attention. And I sat on a boat full of porn videos moored outside Eel Pie Studios with Cud. I got asked to manage Breed. I had chips and gravy with The Mock Turtles in Manchester, and the Trashcan Sinatras changed their set list and played the Ace of Spades because I said they wouldn't dare. I think it was at that gig that my hearing went...
22. I spent one Easter producing a comic with two cartoonists and 15 juvenile delinquents.
23. I have been kissed on the cheek by Ant. And Dec.
24. I would like to publicly forgive my sister for killing my lemon tree through overwatering when she was 7. It has taken me a long while to say that.
25. I had an Afghan dog called Zelda Alamanda Kinjan who ate all my sisters baby clothes off the washing line. I didn't know she was a tree-killer then.
