Thursday, December 23, 2010

Rampant Holidays

Sigh. Sometimes I get out of bed with a weird thought still hanging around from that dreamworld in which perverse, astounding and terrifying things happen.

Like this morning. I blame Mimi. She told me last night that I have to die first.

Mimi is 9, and has a very definite take on the world, which consists of NOT being arty and sensitive like her big sister, and NOT being demure and 'triste' like her baby sister. So she says things like:

"When I'm a rockstar, you can tell everyone about my songs and I'll tell everyone about your stories. The good ones. But you have to die first, obviously, cos you're the mum, so maybe you'll have to tell people in heaven about my songs. Will they be able to listen to them there? Oh, you still don't believe in heaven do you, so you wouldn't know. Well anyway, you die first and we'll find out."

So the fact that I died and it wasn't at all where I expected to be isn't that surprising. But the fact that I woke up with about 4 new stories kicking around like kids under a duvet was brilliant. I just wished I hadn't lived through them all in one night. That's all.

Thursday, December 16, 2010

Tuesday, November 02, 2010

eBook 101

I have been working with several authors on their eBooks of late. eBooks are currently a flourishing market which many writers and web marketers are keen to capitalise on.

For those of you considering writing an eBook, or indeed any short non-fiction book that is easy to market on the web, you may be wondering some of the following:

What is an eBook?
How long is the average eBook?
Where can I market and sell my eBook?

There is no exact definition of an eBook that fits all types, but generally it is shorter than a traditionally published book and may only be available in digital format for example a pdf or txt file.

Wikipedia defines it as:
“a text-and image-based publication in digital form produced on, published by, and readable on computers or other digital devices." Sometimes the equivalent of a conventional printed book, e-books can also be born digital. The Oxford Dictionary of English defines the e-book as "an electronic version of a printed book," but e-books can and do exist without any printed equivalent. E-books are usually read on dedicated hardware devices known as e-book reader, e-readers or e-book devices. Personal computers and some cell phones can also be used to read e-books.”
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/EBook

I have collaborated on, edited and produced eBooks for several clients including:

Grow into Success – an eBook on personal development for teens by a young UK author – Sarah Sophia Harfleet (76,500 words)

Various eBooks with Joe Price – a consultant and training coach for Intentional Achievements LLC, including sterling advice about finding your purpose in life, laying the correct foundations for achievement and developing your personal vision. (Books range in length from 15k samples to 45-50k full eBooks.) http://www.intentionalachievements.com

The eBook Guide to Seduction - editing for American author  - Shawn Adkins (15,888 words)

Get to Grips with Social Media – editing for Steve Nicholls to polish his eBook on social networks for policy makers and managers – UK market (15,500 words)

A Global History of the Menopause –a personal development eBook as part of a set produced in collaboration with We Wise Women (Linda Krick and Trypheyna Mc Shane) (20,000 words)

As you can see from this short sample of books, the length varies considerably from book to book. The authors may simply not wish to write longer content or the subject matter may lend itself to a shorter, pithier commentary on a subject. Since it may be made available to download from a personal website, any length is acceptable depending on the readership you are aiming at – for instance, do busy CEO’s want a longwinded read or a brilliant bullet-pointed condensed summary? Do teenagers want a book that covers every aspect of their concerns and plenty of action points and web-links for further information? Only you can decide.

You can market and sell eBooks almost anywhere these days – Amazon, Barnes & Noble and Waterstones all sell them, but there are also specialist websites like www.ebooks.com  www.booksonboard.com   www.lulu.com   www.ebookmall.com  and www.e-bestsellers.com

Many people choose to supply eBooks as free downloadable content from their personal web or blogsites, especially to capitalise on their tempt factor. Some eBooks have successfully boosted their author’s Google rankings, especially those on IT and social media related topics that have been advertised well with viral marketing.

Even if you are not aiming for a big hit with your eBook, it still pays to spend some time on the content, images, web links, design and layout so that your readers will get the increased satisfaction only an eBook can provide.

For more on marketing and promoting eBooks, watch this space...

Thursday, October 28, 2010

The Hippies are telling you to ‘Discover your inner compass and re-connect to Mother Earth’

The process of becoming a mother is one of the most life-changing journeys for any woman, as nothing so fundamentally alters your awareness of your own body. The innate power to give birth to another creature is an awesome gift, but one that comes with the ultimate responsibility. It is not surprising that many first time mothers and fathers are initially shocked to discover the raw facts of parenting – the physical changes as the pregnancy advances seeming perfectly designed to prepare you for the very physical world of birth, babies and toddlerhood.

When else in our lives are we daily faced with blood, shit and tears in such overwhelming abundance?

So the jump from becoming a parent to wanting to protect the Earth where your little ones will grow up is not that unexpected. It is just part of the slow process of maturity in humans. We come to realise our responsibilities belatedly, when they are forced upon us, much like the debate on climate change.

But it is significant that it has taken a generation of Baby Boomers with their free love, anti-war, anti-commerciality, pro freedom set of values to make us become aware of our global responsibilities as guardians of the planet.

By the time many women are approaching menopause they will have worked out for themselves where they stand on politics, religion, ethics and a host of other life choices. They may have become a parent or a grandparent.  They may have become a spokesperson in their community or be considering taking part in a local re-education of others – sharing skills, experience, teaching morals, guiding the younger members of the community, and encouraging concern for the environment that is mother to us all.

The other effect of the menopause is that many women become aware of the inter-connectedness of all things. 

To make this ethereal statement more earthly, imagine how you began your procreative years. Your first period, and your first sign that you are effectively just another animal,; born to live, reproduce and die like any other. Many girls will have felt the need to hide their menstrual status from boys, from some family members, from neighbours and may have associated a sense of shame with the discovery of the first messy blood. Even amongst close knit groups of women there may not be much talk of menstruation as you are growing up. The impact of menstruation on a burgeoning sex life may be the time you realise that men have no understanding of periods, monthly cycles, hormonal dips, and all the associated paraphernalia of the female life. Periods are sometimes unexpected, an inconvenience, erratic, uncontrollable. But they certainly tie you to your body in a way that you could hitherto ignore.

Then come the child-bearing years and the presence of periods becomes a signpost – whether it is of fertility, pregnancy, vulnerability, ill-health or simply femininity. We are different from men, and periods (and boobs!) make the very fact of this apparent. We watch for our monthly signal with a mixture of anticipation, resignation or relief. We mark their pattern and progress on charts and calendars across our lifespan.  We feel our connectedness to other fertile or pregnant creatures, including the very Earth itself, which has its own lunar cycle of tides, growth patterns, changeable weather and occasional rages.

At this point we KNOW we are OF the Earth. We can see a long line of mothers and daughters stretching back into the mists of time, and forward into the unknown. We may have children and see their progress toward becoming fully sentient beings with a blossoming sense of responsibility. We connect with other women more strongly, share our stories, and hear their pain. And only now can we see that our mistreatment of the planet has been caused by this same slow progress of dawning maturity. We begin to own our problems. We accept our role in climate change, pollution, and unethical abuse of the natural world.

We have become our own doctors, teachers and philosophers. We know more about our own bodies, our own children and our own values. So as cyclical nurturing women we can see the connection between our discomfort with our own bodies and our disrespect for Nature and her ways. Once we accept our bodies, their imperfections and amazing abilities, we can also accept that the planet has a right to be healthy, whole and fully-functioning.

Our female bodies store blood and vital nutrients to feed potential babies. They must discard this regularly to build up fresh supplies. Once the blood is past optimum, it must be discarded along with all the other hormones and toxins that we do not need in order to retain cyclical health. Concurrently, our emotions may go through a roller-coaster ride of collecting, storing, assessing and discarding our thoughts, dreams and aspirations. This too is a balanced process that is vital for mental health. How can we live on this planet and not see that Mother Earth goes through this same process of replenishment? It is no more suitable for our health to take pills and refrain from periods than it is to dam rivers or over farm fields or poison natural systems with our toxins.

In connection with natural cyclical processes we can maintain our health and sanity. Balance and harmony require moderation, responsibility and tranquillity. It will take a generation of mothers making a difference before we can expect to see significant improvements – both in how we perceive ourselves, our bodies, menstruation and menopause, and how we approach our responsibility to Mother Earth. But it can be done.

And it will have to be done.

Wednesday, October 27, 2010

Just one big balloon race?

Okay, we're going to have a balloon race from the top of the Carrascal mountain to publicise next years Parcent in Bloom festival - May 28-29 2011. The race itself will be in February, just as the almond blossom covers the valley. Great views from the Carrascal at any time of year though.

But for those of you that are curious about the 'great big balloon race' that we're all involved in - check out the web link in my header to become a Planet Earth Hero...

Conservation matters.

Thursday, September 30, 2010

Right to Life? Do me a favour...

Who determines who has the right to live? God? And if there is no God?

What right does the law have to say when people can die? Do they have the right to say when precisely someone can impregnate someone and create a life? So how did they get this right to prevent people from taking their own life – or criminalise them if they do?

I think this ill judged right stems from a purely financial incentive, as do most of the worst crimes. A person is acting outside of the law if he takes his (or her) own life because he deprives the state of a tax payer. It is less about protecting citizens from being murdered and more about financial control.

After all, we all know that many countries have an ageing community and some have low birth rates. Some countries have incentive schemes to encourage hard-working, skilled, educated families to relocate there, in order that they might pay into the local coffers and become a valued resource. So why not also make sure that these workers cannot kill themselves and gift all their hard earned dollars, rupees or euros to their descendants – if they die, their government wants to recoup its loss through more taxes. And taxes cannot be applied when people are acting outside of the law.

Instead of depriving terminally ill or severely incapacitated people of a meaningful death, can the government not get its head around providing clear unambiguous guidelines for this procedure? If they set up state sponsored services to do so, they would surely recoup some of their lost taxpayer’s earnings? Is that not preferable to inflicting more distress on people whose lives have been devastated by inoperable cancer, or whose car accident has left them with no quality of life (- this is a subjective phrase, but crucial).

I say this from a reasoned perspective, knowing far too many families whose parents are ill, terminal or living through pain. I watched my mother die from ovarian cancer, aged 52. She was previously in good health, played badminton, ate tons of vegetables and enjoyed life until a virulent cancer took hold. In the final months she could eat no more than a teaspoon of food or drink a day, because stomach tumours had distended her stomach to the size of my belly at 6 months pregnant. Every week the doctor removed fluid from between the tumours to give some relief, but this process itself triggered more tumours and she had become allergic to chemotherapy. In effect she had no choice but to slowly die in front of us. When she could bear it no longer, she took a large quantity of morphine to end it all.

Don’t tell me she was breaking the law. She could have struggled on until we would have had to hospitalize her for 24 hour care, at which point she may have lingered horribly in a state that is neither alive nor dead, sometimes this can last for months or years. The psychological fall-out that this causes families stretches people to breaking point.

Thursday, July 22, 2010

Age of Austerity vs Age of Reason

Yes, Mr Cameron, we will all have to tighten our belts as we enter this new age. But I prefer to see it as the Age of Reason since I am of a happily optimistic mindset.

Where once we were all owned by banks and building societies, or by our schools, or by our commitment to local government policies, and we were dependant on their services, advice and constraints, now we are cast adrift into a certain sense of freedom.

I have no credit card debt to speak of. I own a property outright, some land, and a car. I work online, with clients on all the major continents, and I've been published in England, Canada, Spain and Australia. As a freelancer, I chose who to work with and on what, and I reject clients that appear racist, sexist, bullying or untrustworthy. I pay taxes locally, and I am a frequent attender at school parents meetings to have a say in how my kids school is run, but I shop online and pay as often in dollars as euros or pounds.

The collapse of our old institutions is making us all re-assess what we value and what we need. And here at Singular Cake, I think that's a good thing. Long may the Age of Reason empower us.

Friday, June 18, 2010

The future of Gaming


I predict that SONY will enter our workplaces in the near future with software that turns our work chores into fun. It stands to reason, right? These days we can work from home with an adsl connection and our PC and PS3 are connected and form a media hub. So work and gaming has got closer.

Here's where it gets closer still. Why use software to send a letter, an email, a pdf document or an Excel file and waste all that good gaming time? So SONY execs are bound to devise a game portal that enables you to do all that 'Work' nonsense, whilst your fingers are also strafing enemies with gunfire, playing Scrabble and holding virtual meetings with work colleagues in a SIM office?

Tell me that is NOT gonna happen and I'd be more surprised.

You can call me Penny 'Arthur C. Clarke' Clark, if you will, but I am telling you today (June 18th 2010)that this is the future of gaming.

All our worlds are colliding. The ones that capture our imagination and vitality the best will survive. Sure we have to earn a living, but we can do that with part of our brains while the other part is drinking coffee, staying up late to watch movies, and fighting virtual wars with fingertip controls. It may not be the most productive way to do business but it is increasingly more common to see people interacting with the PC keyboard, eating, drinking, conversing AND doing work chores. So someone is gonna make a helluvalot of money when they work out how best to fuse all that.

Geek power is not going away. Our homes will only become more interconnected to cyberspace as fridges tell us what we're out of stock of, and baths run themselves to suitable temperatures. That mundane daily stuff is going further away. We will inevitably fill out time with multiple activities that suit the whole family - and learning, communicating and stimulating through entertainment i.e. GAMING is where we're headed.

You know it. Let's get ready.

Next Posting: You know you've lived with a gamer too long when you....

Monday, June 14, 2010

The decline of teenage life


Remember free-wheeling down the hill on your bike to buy groceries for your mum? Like conkers, hula-hoops and Enid Blyton books, certain concepts of childhood and adolescence are obsolete. There are high tech replacements for sure – who doesn’t secretly crave a go on a Wii, dodging and diving in front of your TV screen while the kids howl for their turn. But those symbols of a time of innocence and freedom – ‘sevensies’ against the wall of your house, blackberry picking, making Airfix models and hanging them above your bed – are all gone and it’s no use whining about the good old days. Or is it?

I live in a tiny village in rural Spain, that values it’s teens as the tax-paying citizens they will grow up to be. Children are doted on, cuddled and kissed in the street, bought exorbitant presents like motorbikes and sent on school ski-ing trips, when some families only earn minimum wage in a local supermarket. This is not seen as ‘spoiled child syndrome’ in the media however, but pride and rewards for your offspring. The yearly school Nativity play is a riot of obvious parental pride, flashing cameras and camcorders recording every star turn, and a local grandpa or ‘abuelo’ roped in to play Santa at the end and dish out prizes to every child in the village.

Every August, the town holds the fiesta of its patron saint (Lorenzo) and that year’s eighteen year olds and six year olds are feted and adored in street processions. Whole families return to their roots in Parcent and thousands of euros are spent – houses of the ‘festeros’ are re-painted and the front doors decorated with palm fronds and paper flowers, while a mural is painted on the street with the child’s name and year. Hairdressers and dressmakers are fully booked for weeks, for the lavish dresses and tuxedos that the teens will wear and the ten days of partying, fireworks and parades begins. The teenagers organise the events themselves and spend long nights at the Town Hall discussing fund-raising, selling T-shirts and lottery tickets, devising carnival costumes, booking bands and pyrotechnicians. Even the shyest ones blossom by the end of the fiesta, having received universal praise and applause for their hard work.

You could accuse me of having a blinkered view from our rural idyll. We left East London in 2001 when gunshots could sometimes be heard outside our windows at night. A homeless man began preying on our first child’s nursery school, and police were too busy dealing with larger issues to eject him from the school gardens. The area suffered such bad overcrowding that the local GP refused to use an appointments system, and instead you queued each day on the street in the hope of being seen. When we last returned to the UK for a holiday, we avoided the area in favour of visiting friends and family in rural Hertfordshire and Essex. Notwithstanding the development Stratford has seen in preparation for the Olympics, it felt to us unsafe, undesirable and symptomatic of the price we all pay for city life.

Now we read from afar about escalating knife crime, and monitor the grim tally of London teenagers killed this year. The school-post code lottery, private corporations taking over public institutions, banning drink on the Underground, ‘mosquitos’ in city centres, suggest that fear is the overriding factor in decision making. Every day on the radio there is another announcement about the ways that Boris or David/Nick will tackle London’s problems, or how the UK will legislate its way out of trouble.

This sounds like a profitless spiral. All the social studies suggest that self-esteem is the key factor in whether children do well; whether teens go on to university or successful careers. But this does not just mean we should give delinquent kids a holiday, where they can see how the other half live. In a country as over-populated as the UK, how can individual kids feel valued, appreciated or loved? Is it just a parental responsibility?

That adage about it taking a village to raise a child has never been more relevant. A village, not an overcrowded capital. Sweeping measures designed to protect the population from dangerous young men are failing to stop them from carrying weapons and behaving in antisocial ways, because they are unanimously reviled wherever they go – for wearing hoodies, or shutting off their ears with iPods, or hanging out in gangs who understand one another.

Overcrowding at home and school, unemployment, lack of prospects and peer pressure combine to leave teens feeling depressed, which manifests in two common ways. Boys act out, and girls self-harm. Boys grow increasingly anti-social in public to impress their peers, while girls form gangs, bully the weaker ones, get into shoplifting for kicks or remain isolated from friends and prone to depression.

It will take much more than a change of government or some ASBO’s to make an impact on a whole generation of teenagers. The media attitude that demonises all teens because of a statistically small number of offenders must change, and large towns and cities need to look at providing community ‘barrio’ projects that inspire neighbourhood pride and offer apprentice schemes for teens living within the post code.

Schools and communities must work together to support the most isolated teens and capitalise on the immense and often hidden talents of this generation of 18 to 25 year olds. Training schemes that simply provide businesses with cheap labour must be replaced by those that value young people’s input, and provide incentives and reward schemes especially during a recession when companies need the competitive edge provided by their fresh ideas and enthusiasm. When Facebook campaigns can influence a nation’s voting habits, the older generation really needs to listen to some of the media-savvy kids who know how to work Twitter and launch marketing campaigns from their bedrooms. The media should get behind some of the successful stories of the day that will inspire younger teens to stay out of trouble and go on to succeed.

When neighbourhoods begin to rally round their local teens and set them suitable graded benchmarks for success in the long term, we might see a return to the good ole days when teenage life was about having fun and letting off steam before you knuckle down to a career. Letting the youthful pressure cooker atmosphere burst in a flurry of artistic and sporting activity will surely result in teens more inclined to grow up gracefully, rather than be rushed into making career choices at 11 and obsessing over weight, looks and skills before they’ve had a chance to get to know themselves or their capabilities. So stop giving kids a hard time and let them have their ‘teenage kicks’ now. We’ll grow a new generation of planet-conscious, hard-working taxpayers soon enough.

Monday, June 07, 2010

Help us Mr Olmos!


My eleven year old daughter got to page 600-odd of The Host (by Stephanie Meyer of Twilight fame) and read a scene that she found so sad and moving she couldn't read anymore. So, of course, I realised belatedly that I should have pre-read the book.

I've just finished it and I'm surprised it hasn't garnered more interest. It analyses a number of interesting propositions. What makes us human? What is the sociological benefit of our race's capacity for violence? What makes us love more than hate?

And now I have a personal plea, for Mr Edward James Olmos. QUICK! SIR! Step in now and get involved in the movie production of The Host before the essential sci-fi heart of this book is pulped into some mass-market fodder!

Just as Battlestar composed human drama around a futuristic theme, The Host manages to press all the right buttons for us SF geeks. Alien races - galore. Life and death struggle for survival. Love stories, jealous rivalry, impossible dilemmas resolved. And from an actor/director's point of view some unique challenges. How will they bring multiple personalities inside one host effectively to the screen?

I sincerely hope that whoever has been engaged to direct avoids Buffy-ising this.

Tuesday, April 13, 2010

Athiests R Us

Welcome, readers browsing here from Facebook. All sorts of debate occurs on Singular Cake and only some of it is about Athiesm - but much of it is about social behaviours and taking personal responsibility. I figure if we all keep our own house in order, we are improving the planet a person at a time...starting with myself. So I often muse here about pernickety issues of the day. Feel free to pass comment.

Abrazos a todos. x

Tuesday, April 06, 2010

Talk about it!


Talking to children can be baffling. We’ve all heard the adage that you should never work with children or animals, generally because they are brutally honest, unintentionally funny and downright unpredictable. But the key to communicating with anyone, be they 5 or 50, goat or goalkeeper, is the same. You can try to explain your message clearly, but unless you know someone’s mindset, cultural background, needs and obsessions, it’s possible that your communication may go astray.

Let’s start with some basics. A good communicator exchanges their ideas, feelings, and values in appropriate language, tone, pitch, and volume. He or she gives relevant information and uses non-verbal signals to emphasize and support the message. After allowing enough time for the message to sink in, he clarifies or repeats key points. Really good communicators then solicit feedback, listen, respond and react to convey their understanding. Sounds easy? Let’s take this process apart to see where the pitfalls are.

Initially, a person tells the world about him or herself by the way they dress, stand, speak and act. So first impressions count, and you can put off your audience at the outset if you haven’t taken this into consideration. I am NOT expecting a burlesque dancer to be attempting to speak to a group of habit-wearing nuns, but don’t make lazy assumptions about your audience when you prepare to communicate effectively.

Assuming you are dressed appropriately and either familiar with the receiver of the message, or from the same social group and background, you should have enough common ground for confidence. Now the delivery method you choose should match the circumstances and needs of the receiver. Don’t use flipcharts and pointers where an informal circle of chairs would be better. If holding a sales pitch, consider whether to invite the audience by phone, email or a personal visit. In Latino countries, for instance, no-one does business unless they are face-to-face. Internet communications are not the first-choice, and therefore your message will die before its inception.

Before you communicate make sure you are aware of the group norms or the team dynamics. Nothing spoils a message more than pitching it at the wrong level. Don’t address the janitor if you need the CEO’s approval. Sounds obvious, but the subtle variation on this is pitching a message that misses the key needs of the company or individual. Do your homework, and make sure that the content of the message will resonate and connect, on some level, with the already-held beliefs of the receiver.
Remember, messages aren't communicated exactly. They depend on the shared knowledge of the two communicators; a shared vocabulary, experience, and world view. And your environment can derail even the clearest of messages. Barriers exist between the sender and the receiver such as cultural differences – a common one being talking in abstract terms, when the receiver is more comfortable calling a spade a spade. Local conditions may also create barriers; if the room has poor acoustics, there are others talking, or outside noises and distractions. Take away the chance of this and you’ve removed some of the filters through which your message will pass.

Your style of language may be very idiosyncratic. For instance, do you understand this sentence: Estimation is challenging since the likelihood function is not globally concave and the data becomes uninformative about learning once equilibrium is achieved. This is taken from an academic paper aimed at professors (The Journal of Applied Econometrics) and may make sense to certain groups but would exclude a huge proportion of the populace. Equally, talking too crudely can demean your message. Study your audience and pick up pointers about what style of delivery will put them at their ease.

‘Listen’ with your eyes for non-verbal communication cues – as the impact of a performance is determined 7 percent by the words used, 38 percent by voice quality, and 55 percent by the nonverbal communication. When we talk with people in person, they constantly reassure us of their attention and understanding, by nodding their heads, touching our arm, making encouraging sounds, or even asking questions. If you spot someone taking a step back, or inclining away from you, you may need to adjust your tone or deliberately try to include them. If they ask intimidating questions, avoid giving a quick defensive response, and take your time to couch the answer in comfortable language. All this conveys the idea that the sender can trust your message, and his company will benefit from a closer association with yours.

Even negative feedback can be turned around by a skilled communicator. Conflict often leads us to the heart of the matter and it is here that we can achieve the most dynamic success. If you have chosen an appropriate delivery method it should suit you as well as the receiver. Use your skill in the communication medium to express the particular need your product will satisfy or the intuitive way your company works.

As the receiver, you may filter what the speaker is saying because it seems unimportant to your current needs or too difficult in the short term. By observing facial clues of discontent, a speaker can bring an entire audience back on board with a reinforcement of the most salient point of the message. Mentioning the point that everyone agrees on reminds us we have common ground, defuses conflict and brings the mob mentality to bear on a group decision.

We can take a few tips from social media communication too. Facebook works by keying into our primeval need to join in. The power of gossip is that it can spread a message quicker and further than any other method – from the water cooler to the global markets. Conversely, Twitter or text speak excludes the older generation and promotes the ‘cool’ factor by using urban slang. Email communication has been observed to cause ‘flaming’ where the receiver of the message becomes incensed by a perceived slight. This is caused when we have no verbal nuances, facial cues or non-verbal signs to observe that communicate a person’s good intent. Check your message for these sending and receiving tips and pitfalls, to deliberately exclude or include certain groups. Use new media to open up communications globally and broadcast your message further and faster.

Follow-up work to ascertain how your message has been received is invaluable. Teachers know that it is the learner who controls the actual amount of learning going on, and similarly it is the receiver who filters the message that is actually received. Knowing that the message worked and conveyed your point after the event tells you that your method was successful, but the reason why your method failed is even more important as it gives you clues to refine it for the next opportunity. Getting that feedback will make all the difference.

Communicating with either type of 'kids' therefore – the human or animal ones – will involve you getting down in the farmyard dirt or sandpit to establish your common ground. Whatever type of message you are trying to convey, you can't beat the direct eye-level approach. After all, most of us can spot a 'kidder' whose gaze is evasive...can't we?

Wednesday, March 17, 2010

Years and ears


Over time I am definitely losing my hearing in my left ear. That's either from too many loud gigs whilst working as a music journalist, or because that's the side that Joe sits, sleeps and drives and he talks very softly and I claim not to be able to hear him. It is a good arrangement. When he forgets to tell me things, he blames my hearing. When he tells me stuff I don't want to do, I blame my hearing.

Today I woke to weird scrunching noises in my own ear, as if a burrowing alien were excavating my brain. Which either means a burrowing alien IS excavating my brain, or shower water and ear wax are a chemically unstable mix. For some reason, this has led me to be reminiscing, looking through Facebook at old photos of friends, pondering poems written years ago and wondering about the memories our kids will have in years to come of these days.

So here's a bunch of stuff from a Facebook game to write 25 things about yourself, kinda from years to ears.

1.I hate creamed spinach, oysters, asparagus, caviar. This either means I'm just not posh enough, or I don't like to eat things that taste like bogies/sperm/sand. I'd sooner actually eat bogies, sperm or sand. Aw gawd, moving swiftly on...
2.I have one tattoo, two birthmarks,and three tiny scars.
3. I am allergic to penicillin, and strawberries (if I eat more than four basketful's - that's not punnets, I mean the baskets you collect them in at Tiptree which weigh about as much as a baby rhino - after which I turned pink all over.)
4. I have lived in more than 29 houses and had over 25 jobs, or the other way round, I can no longer remember.
5. If you google me (as Penny Lapenna) the first 22 entries are all actually me.
6. I was once called a tørstenslakar - which was a compliment in Norwegian.
7. I woke one morning (aged about 14) to find snow on the end of my bed when our roof was removed to build an additional floor. That week our cat had six kittens which meant 10 felines were running around the house and attic and my French penfriend arrived to the lasting impression that all the English are eccentric maniacs.
8. My middle name is Jane because Penny Lane was my dad's favourite Beatles song. Maybe.
9. I am a true Cockney because I was born within the sound of Bow Bells.
10. I am scared of heights.
11. Every once in a while I put on Smells Like Teen Spirit and head bang/air guitar.
12. I would like to die saying "Watch this!" whilst attempting to drive/manoeuvre a combine harvester.
13. I like marzipan, sugared almonds, vanilla slices, caramel, Dime Bars, pecan pie and golden syrup pudding.
14. I once made a chilli so hot that I had to watch an entire movie with an ice-cube on my lips for fear that the swelling wouldn't go down.
15. My dad is JR. But not Ewing.
16. I have had foot and mouth. I may have started the epidemic.
17. On a similar note I did once dare a storm to do its worst which resulted in the famous 1987 English storm that downed six of the seven ancient oaks in Sevenoaks. Oops.
18. I am immune to rubella so didn't need the BCG injection which they gave me by mistake.
19. I spent one year of a 3 year degree course at Royal Holloway College, whose main buildings used to be Royal Holloway Sanatorium. I can still hear the shrieks.
20. I have been to Skaagen Beach in Denmark where you can see two seas meet.
21. I was supposed to fly to Seattle to interview Nirvana but while I had flu the job was nicked by another music journalist. (Not what I call him). But I did interview Pop Will Eat Itself while Siouxsie and the Banshees tried to distract their attention. And I sat on a boat full of porn videos moored outside Eel Pie Studios with Cud. I got asked to manage Breed. I had chips and gravy with The Mock Turtles in Manchester, and the Trashcan Sinatras changed their set list and played the Ace of Spades because I said they wouldn't dare. I think it was at that gig that my hearing went...
22. I spent one Easter producing a comic with two cartoonists and 15 juvenile delinquents.
23. I have been kissed on the cheek by Ant. And Dec.
24. I would like to publicly forgive my sister for killing my lemon tree through overwatering when she was 7. It has taken me a long while to say that.
25. I had an Afghan dog called Zelda Alamanda Kinjan who ate all my sisters baby clothes off the washing line. I didn't know she was a tree-killer then.

Wednesday, February 24, 2010

Worlds within Words


The planet is becoming more accessible to us daily. But our access to every nook and cranny opens up more worlds within worlds than we had thought possible. As an example, we can now probe deeper into mid-Atlantic channels under the sea where undiscovered species have been left in peace for millenia. And what do we do when we get there? Say, Give us a wave for the cameras?

In my tiny village of 900 or so inhabitants, a multitude of world languages are spoken - but most commonly Castilian Spanish / Castellano, Valenciano (regional language closely allied to Catalan Spanish) and English. The potential for word confusion, cultural mishaps and misapplied social etiquette is enormous. Restaurant signs abound with torturous misspelling in every idiom - including Roast shoulder of a Kid and Bruised Octopus Babies. And the greater my accomplishment with the two variants of Spanish, the more I can perceive my cultural naívety.

Why am I telling you this? I'm a writer. I freelance for a living, and get offered jobs daily to correct manuscript proofs, re-write dull web articles or product descriptions, create book press releases or give feedback on non-fiction eBooks. I am also writing a YA novel (it feels like its actually writing me, the pages are flying past so fast) and chasing an agent for Blacks Crackle - a novel about women, plants and perceiving the darkness in people. And it strikes me that my world of work is apeing the state of the planet - as worlds within words open up before my eyes while areas that once seemed rich seams to mine are now dwindling. Publishing is changing, the media are sprouting new heads alarmingly, the web is awash with words and so many of them need correcting and re-shaping that I could imagine staying awake forever with matchsticks propping open my eyes in some awful sci-fi experiment to proof the entire www - hang on, I've gotta get this down....

You get the picture. No sooner do I master Blogger and Twitter and Redgage and LinkedIn, then another arena opens up begging for my input/output. Which of these Brave New Worlds are worth my time? Nobody knows. No-one is an expert anymore, because we have all diversified ourselves into tiny niches and the web and technologies are whirring into being at a rate of knots (or is it nanaseconds?) about which no one person can be fully informed. Sigh. Where's Douglas Adams when we need him?

So I watch newspapers shrinking or adopting global stances and new markets, and I sit in the middle at my desk and feel alternately like the Wizard of Oz (getting away with the sham...) or the Minotaur (lost in the maze, bullishly obstinate and condemned to devour all the babies presented to me...Oh, I've just scared off ANY fragile clients now.)

How do you feel in this New World Order?

Monday, February 08, 2010

Redgage, moi?


Welcome, friends of / from Redgage.

Lovely to have you here on Singular Cake. I feel less alone now.

Its like my blog has magically transformed into a cosy inglenook fireplace, set with big overstuffed armchairs in red velvet with brocade and tasselled cushions. I think I can even spy a whisky glass, twinkling golden in the firelight, and a bunch of intelligent and witty, if slightly quirky, friends have just arrived...

But, back to business.

I am not a scientist, nor a physicist. But I think I know how to create wormholes. You know, rips in the fabric of space and time, where weird things are apt to happen?

Follow the link in my header and see if you agree?

Wednesday, February 03, 2010

Atheist Ethicist: Just War

It is mind-blowing to realise that this was written in 2005 and we are still making the same assumptions. Atheist Ethicist: Just War

Monday, February 01, 2010

Hate Therapy? Need Help?


Working recently with several personal development coaches on their articles and eBooks, it struck me that the world falls into two camps when it comes to anything perceived as 'Therapy'.

Loosely labelled, they are "Wouldn't touch it with a barge-pole" and "Love it, love you, love me."

My other half would sooner gouge out his eyes with a teaspoon than discuss his feelings with a stranger. I, on the other hand, blog quite happily about excruciating daily experiences and would not quail if someone in the queue at the bank asked me to talk in depth about my haemorrhoids. I live by the John Peel maxim - "If you don't want people to know about it, don't do it." Anything I have done, from giving birth to being held hostage in a library, is worth sharing, writing about and deriving entertainment or erudition from. (I am pretty sure than you should never end a sentence with 'from', but this is a blog, and I can do what I like here. So.)

But once you have attained a certain age, it is difficult to shake the notion that you should know what you are doing in life. So, going to counselling, therapy or any other form of personal coaching, is understandably less attractive, hinting , as it does, that you are struggling in some area.

For those of you reading this and considering marriage guidance or individual therapy, I get why you have trepidation. I get why you'd sooner stumble on getting stuff wrong and dealing with the fall out, rather than analyse your own navel-fluff. I get why you may even feel that you'll eventually work it all out on your own, rather than have to tell someone else, in a room with dead potplants and khaki sofas. But bear this in mind. It's like a Get Out of Jail Free card.

I went to Relate counselling unwillingly. If I couldn't work out my own relationship, when I knew it so well, how on earth could some young college-leaver tell me anything? The point is, she didn't have to. She sat opposite us making notes like a character in a bad Adam Sandler movie, and I despaired that she'd ever get my other half to do anything other than glower. But when I shut up for five minutes, she let the silence hang. She then asked simple, no-nonsense questions, and re-directed us whenever we veered on to emotional loops. She was the equivalent of Switzerland. Calm, bland and serving great coffee.

Hours later, I realised I'd learned more about us in that one session, than in several years of weekend arguments over how badly I pack the car. I heard how he talked to someone he wasn't angry at. I found out why what I did bothered him and he heard my real concerns that had got hidden in my torrent of words. I spotted the mean techniques I'd been employing to undermine him, when I thought they were just ways to empower me. It took the sting out of our circular arguments to hear them in context, and to know that everyone has them, like a nail-biting habit from childhood.

I'm not advocating everyone rush to the Yellow Pages and book in with a therapist now. But don't rule out the benefits until you've tried it. You can carry on being sniffy about self-help books afterwards. But you may have caught a glimpse of how everyone else sees you, and armed with that knowledge be able to navigate a less painful way forward for yourself and those who have to live with you.

And later on, when you're back at the point of no-return (probably yet another argument over the washing-up) you'll scoop this information out of thin air as your Get Out of Jail Free card. And be grateful you did it.

Thursday, January 21, 2010

In the deep dark wood...


Are childhood fears really our primeval gut instincts that have hung around since we lived in dark caves? Is our fear of the dark really a fear of that unknown disease lurking within, the unforeseen malevolent attacker, or the unguessable moment of our own death?

What wakes YOU in the night in a cold sweat? A footstep on your stair? A passing car headlight coasting round the room that could be the torch light of an intruder? Are adult fears just extensions of those childhood worries – is that a vampire, a witch, a lecherous neighbour?

I think that late at night that probably translates into - will I amount to anything? Will I be found deficient in social graces and die alone? Will I achieve something significant? Will I ever escape the daily threat of poverty?

Studying our human fears displays the underbelly of society, which most of us prefer remains hidden. Dwelling on such black thoughts is maudlin, morose, unpalatable – even though the sweaty thrills of horror movies, books and films are undeniable.

But without the mocking shape of what torments us most it would be harder to picture the ephemeral qualities of the things we do aspire to – empathy to overcome our fears, gentility in the face of man’s inhumanity, optimism that our best will be good enough if we believe it to be so. The black mask of Vader counterbalanced by the glowing white gown of Leia? (I can’t believe I used a Star Wars analogy – will I ever live it down? I’ll be followed slavishly by small boys for days... probably by grown men too...)

Who wants to be the good guy? Doesn’t he sound lame compared to the swashbuckling, wise-cracking, scarred, damaged, fiendish bad guy? Even from that description I know which one I’m inviting out to the bar tonight.

Go figure...

Friday, January 08, 2010

Sensory Overload


Sensory perceptions are a tad misleading.

I bought a painting today (well, just a mounted print) - its not this accompanying picture, the one I have bought is deeply red, with blue figures, scratched with yellow, anyway, and I can't stop looking at it - gorgeous - makes me want to pick up a brush. Funny how some art makes you reminisce, other pictures are simply decoratively beautiful, some give me the urge to feel and smell paint, smear it, touch it, lick it., some makes me angry or mournful... I don’t know what Art with a capital A is SUPPOSED to make me feel but I love that types of visual stimuli really float my boat. Even this deeply purest green pic stirs an emotional response in me.

Allegedly, a trained salesperson who knows the Dark Arts of Salesmanship can pick up clues from your voice, body language, gestures, expression and certain facial clues to know how to pitch to you. If you lean towards the tactile, or visual, or verbal, or perhaps are that weird combo a ‘kinesthete’ who prefers to engage physically, the sales guy will have to put his whole body and movement into the equation – speaking, touching and moving to engage your attention. Is there a word for people who interpret the world through all five senses simultaneously – some kind of overload freak? That’s me – I have to smell and touch vegetables in the supermarket, smell, feel and read books in bookstores, try on, walk, smell and touch clothes in boutiques.

However, I do not actually possess synesthesia. Apparently, 1 in 23 of the population possesses this extra sensory gift, in which letters and numbers also appear specifically coloured, or days or months display personalities. Synesthetes may find that visual flickers seem to have a sound. Basically, two or more senses are inextricably linked. Wikipedia says ‘Synesthesia can occur between nearly any two senses or perceptual modes.’ And goes on to detail those that have been studied, which is surprisingly few. One of rarest variations is lexical-gustatory, in which a person hears certain words which invoke certain tastes in their mouth. Commonly synesthetes have no idea that everyone does not experience the world this way.

I met a girl once who could ‘see’ musical notes, in a range of colours. She even wrote a poem about it. I think her name was Lavinia Greenlaw, but I could be mistaken. I shall Google her and get back to you.

Meanwhile, any synesthetic moments you have could be recorded here for posterity. Cheers.