How the world goes round

I get up in the morning with a plan to sail smoothly through the day.

I will NOT shout at the children.
I will NOT get wound up about the state of the house.
I will NOT get sidetracked by pointless tasks and MSN conversations and then rush through lunch and dinner desperately playing catch-up.

By 1.30 lunchtime it has all gone pear-shaped. I will feel guilty from now until the kids are asleep tonight, possibly around 10.30pm. Then, I will find a few minutes of tranquillity, clutch hold of the wraith that is my inner ME, and sternly tell myself to do better tomorrow. Suitably chastened, I will shed the guilt and relax. During this moment, I will somehow convince myself that I am an okay parent, that I do give my job the attention it deserves, that my partner is happy to be with me, and that life is just peachy.

I seem to have a fruit metaphor obsession.

I also seem to live my life in circular patterns of behaviour (from Pear to Peach and Back again). This feels unsatisfying, but somehow normal.

What about you?

Sniff it and see

…softening approach to dissonance

I’ll brush my teeth in case I need to kiss you goodbye

prepare my parting words.

to be inscribed via Kafka’s device upon your chest

change my T for a plunging V

brush my hair for windsweeping effect

and trail perfume on my wrist -

you looked as if you’d let the sun

touch your skin

its pigment veered traitorously towards a summer

I couldn’t envisage

my eyes declined the heat

and my skin itched to be somewhere else

under a freeze frame of you

your hand in the small of my back

proprietarily.

Instead the goodbye evaporated

from the skin of my intent

as skeins above the rim of a coffee cup

are pulled into the air. You recede from view

out of my history

like a time traveller husband

returning to your wife in your real but parallel universe.

Taken from a selection of poetry submitted to Libros International in 2006

Christmas Breakdown...

Its that time of year when you end up curled in front of the dangerously tinsel-bedecked fire with three children with hacking coughs and streaming noses, in an approximation of a festive family Christmas.

For this reason, Singular Cake will be closing down for a week or two - re-opening in the new Year with thoughtful and profound insight, gained no doubt over the chocolate and brandies along with a few extra inches of waistline. Hey! You're lucky to be having a Christmas, ain'tcha - considering the state of half the planet.

Til then ...Happy Holidays, whether you're in a tent in Tibet or a commune in Catford...think on.

Why Lust is Good...

I've finally sussed it! Why we need lust as well as love in our lives... Its like this.
The Pattern of Lust
We discover Lust at puberty when we first fall for someone. It's all about being selfish and gratifying our desires. WHICH IS GOOD and essential to our development ! Teenagers have to learn what they want in order to work out how to get it. And normally that means something different from their parents so they can define themselves as distinct. All those sex-crazed teens watching Buffy or Smallville - they are doing their homework on Lust. THIS IS GOOD. Without this experience we do not know how to fulfill our bodies desires.
The Myth of Love
But we've been sold this myth that love and lust are the same. OH NO - THATS WHY WE GO WRONG! All those films showing the heroes IN LURVE suggest that the two forms of love are always found together. Not so...a time and a place for Love and/or Lust.
Real Love or Lust?
Once we've got a handle on teenage lust, and tried sex, we might grow into mature beings who can offer one another Real Love ie platonic selfless undemanding love. But what often happens is we have a series of lust based relationships (dump our friends and family and go sow our wild oats) and then meet THE ONE. We wanna hang on to him or her. We think this means we've found real love but at first it can only be Real Lust... We rarely feel the sort of love that demands nothing in return at this stage.
The Object of Lust
Sometimes all that lust creates a baby, and an important shift occurs. We have to care for this creature and create a good environment for it to grow. Here's our first glimpse of REAL LOVE when we put our wants on hold for the sake of this babe. Lucky parents discover they can be selfless and giving when they look into baby's trusting eyes... Not-so-lucky ones find that lust goes out the window and one of the couple strays looking for it. Not that surprising really, when Society tells us that Sex is Dirty and Nice Women don't want It. Sometimes the new mum becomes swallowed up in all that baby stuff and only offers her partner the same kind of platonic love.
Lost Lust
So the object of Lust is really motivating our species to procreate or satiate our urges - in the sense that we are driven by 'animal passion'. But Lust wanes temporarily as we concentrate on providing for a child. Through loving a child we find that Love can be as fulfilling and wonderful as Lust (but without the distraction of passion.) PROBLEM... As the man is often not as involved in child-rearing he may not feel this overwhelming love for his child at first. So he may revert to Lust to fulfill his needs. If his partner does not offer Lust - he may go elsewhere.
The Object of Love
But if both partners stick it out, Lust does rear its head once more - either to create Baby Two, or to fulfill the personal needs of the parents. And now we have the opportunity to put what we have learned about Love and Lust together. Bingo. Those weird couples who still fancy each other after all these years... now thats IT. Accepting someone with their human imperfections and still wanting to jump their bones...

So the key to it is remembering when we need Love and when it is really Lust we're after. We need both. If we cannot find Lust in our lives, we often stray into different experiences without realising that we're looking for replacement Lust. But pure Love and sincere Lust can and should go hand in hand.

First we only receive Love, then discover Lust, then discover Love and Lust combined, and only when our needs are satisfied do we have the capacity to give Love. Without the revitalizing power of Lust in our lives, we rarely have the awareness and self-control to give selfless Love. So don't relegate those feelings of Lust as unhelpful. Get horny, get satisfied and you'll be more likely to give real love in return.

Go GIRRRRLS !

I'm glad to say that the Anti-choice Bill was overwhelmingly defeated in the Commons this October.

Conservative MP Nadine Dorries' Bill to reduce the abortion time limit was defeated with 108 votes for and 187 votes against.

Christine McCafferty MP who spoke against the Bill correctly pointed out that it was ill thought out, cruel to women and not based on science.

She exposed the Bill as being part of an anti-choice campaign driven by extreme religious views from the US that were being imported to Britain.

See! When we stick together how strong and successful we are !