Room on Fire

There's no such thing as writers block if you've got an album by The Strokes and a filthy oven.

Google me?

I was lying in bed the other morning in that pre-awake state where daft ideas seem like genius. Thinking someone should write a song with Google in the title - massive marketing ploy. But of course, I bet people have tried and Google just block it, since its a trademarked copyrighted name. But can they stop you writing potential song lyrics in a blog? And offering them to some new artist, like Rachel or Lucie, for their consideration?

For instance...

Go on and Google me
I won’t care what you see
I won’t know you, you won’t know me
Go on and Google me
It ain’t about the day I’m having
It ain’t about my lack of diction
It’s a work of art
Or work of fiction
Either way you’ll comment, fileshare, Digg it
Spread it round the office and finally bin it
People say it’s Tory or it’s Labour
Feral opinions, a burnt out nation
I hope you’re wiped by a scary Haitian
But it’s left me standing at East Ham station
Folks on their Blackberries, IPods, Twitter,
Shouting mundanities, her skirt don’t fit her
Acting like a pig in Armani glitter
No thanks, no smile, you just wanna hit her
Gotta go global or her ovaries’ll shrivel
Far as I’m concerned she can take this and swivel
Thinks her name in lights will be some protection
She’s just gonna give you a nasty infection (And I don’t mean viral)
Go on, go on, go on, and Google me
Go on and Facebook me
I am who I say I am
She’s such a sham
She’s just some leg of lamb
Go on, go on, and Google me
I wrote some stuff ‘n’ got it published
You read it, fed it to the masses, shredded it
Ain’t enough for you, I felt and bled it
It ain’t enough to put your heart on your sleeve
If it ain’t on CNN, they don’t believe
Gotta make a video that makes ‘em heave
Jackass atrocity girlfriend sleaze.
Look I ain’t done something on a global network
No X Factor, MySpace, Bebo jerk
It’s just me, just you, just Captain Kirk
Trying to keep my shit together and get to work
Then I remember, he tried to Friend her
Looked at her photos of her dog and sent her
An email, all friendly-like, chased her
Avatar all round a disco, and met her
In real time, he was her Global Defender,
And before I knew it he wasn’t mine.
So go on, go on, go on and Google me
Go on and Facebook me
You don’t believe a word I say
Can’t tell I’m here to stay
No shit for sale on EBay
Go on, go on, go on, and Google me
Go on, go on, go on and Google me
Go on and Facebook me
You think she’s really hot
I’m telling you she’s not
She ain’t got what I’ve got
Go on and Google me
Go on and Google me
Go on, go on, go on and Google me
Go on and Skywire me
Go on and Highwire me
Go on and Google me.

We need all the help we can get so...

I apologise for reproducing this without the web authors permission but I saved these hints from a site that seems to have been taken down now. Some great tips...

50 Ways for Authors to Make More Money
1. Write about topics that have longevity and market potential. Avoid books that act as cannon fodder for a publisher's pub plan. Even if the advance is OK, profitability comes from earning out an advance and earning royalties from future editions.

2. Choose your publisher carefully. Make sure that you're compatible with your publisher both from a topic standpoint and a philosophical standpoint. You will be judged by how well you fit into a publisher's notion of what a 'good' author should be. This issue is particularly true with respect to quality versus speed to market.

3. Get the best possible advance you deserve. Improving your cash flow can make a very big difference in your overall financial position. It also helps diminish your personal risk.

4. Get the best possible royalty rate you deserve. If you choose the right topics, and the right publisher, and write a good, well-timed book, the rewards can be massive, provided you have a decent royalty rate. Avoid trading advance for royalty rates. Work towards high advances and high royalty rates.

5. Minimize unplanned down time between projects. If you spend two to three months out of a year looking for work, you should work on shortening the gaps. Picking up a month or two to spend more time writing can make a huge difference to your profitability. You may even consider overbooking your schedule a little.

6. Don't spin your wheels. If something feels difficult, figure out a better solution. This is especially true when writing code or providing examples in a book. Don't reinvent the wheel. Instead, partner with people to get what you need. Don't procrastinate in solving problems or getting help. Little problems always get bigger with time.

7. Make your deadlines. If you just make your deadlines, you'll be in the top five percent of computer book authors. Sad, but true.

8. Be communicative. Ask for feedback, provide feedback, seek advice, and offer advice. It's a challenge to get good feedback when working for yourself. Without it, you'll never grow as a writer.

9. Organize your office effectively. If you can save just ten minutes a day, you can give yourself an extra week off each year. Or, you can use it to write another book proposal, chapter, or WFH project, or part of your next book.

10. If you're not currently using filters with your email program, you should look into it immediately, especially if you subscribe to a number of mailing lists.

11. Stay healthy and lead a balanced life. You'll be happier and more productive.

12. Understand your strengths and weaknesses. Call attention to your strengths and find help to fix the weaknesses. If you understand yourself, and have a desire to grow, you'll be able to offer a better product to a publisher and your readers.

13. Work with no more than two or three publishers. Learning how a publisher works is extremely time-consuming.

14. Stay on top of publisher payments. Don't let your money sit in a publisher's bank account earning your interest.

15. Don't pay for indexes if you c an help it. Eliminate option clauses and cross-accounting clauses if possible.

16. Rewrite competition clauses narrowly so you can do more than one book on a particular topic area.

17. Promote yourself as a brand whenever possible. Your name should become the most valuable asset you own.

18. Build assets that make you unique. These assets can be special contacts, market knowledge, or special writing ability.

19. Always be a professional. Never whine. Just get the problem fixed. Publishers don't want to hear all of your problems. They have enough of their own.

20. Consider hiring apprentice writers/researchers who can help you generate more books/pages per year.

21. Make sure you're planting the seed for future editions of your books with your publisher before future releases go into beta.

22. Never assume that a publisher will remember the best time to start on a revision. Revisions should be the most profitable writing that you do.

23. Work with more than one computer. Try not to put beta software on the same machine that you're writing on. Back up your data frequently. Make a real effort to develop an off-site archive.

24. Build good will with bookstores by participating in local events. Even a simple book signing can lead to referrals that lead to book contracts. Don't underestimate the power and influence of booksellers in this industry.

25. Market yourself online. Although it takes time, it's inexpensive and can pay huge dividends.

26. Keep a sharp eye on your personal finances. You never want to let yourself get into a desperate situation. Desperation leads to bad decisions. You should also set financial goals for yourself, and periodically make sure that you're on track. Use a personal financial planning package, and don't pay more taxes than you need to.

27. Know how many pages you can write in a day, and monitor performance. Push yourself to write just a little more each day. You'll never become a faster writer unless you try.

28. Write great TOCs. Shifting material around in a book after it is mostly written is a waste of time.

29. Submit files exactly the way publishers ask you to submit files. You never want to waste time going back to capture screen shots and reformatting text.

30. Don't leave permissions to the last minute. You don't want to have to pull stuff out of your book or off your disk right before it has to go to the printer.

31. If you're dealing with a novice editor be patient, yet persistent. You must get the answers to your questions in a timely manner, so you don't have to go back and change things later. Squeaky wheels do get more attention than silent ones.

32. Speak at events if possible. It is great exposure and you'll get in free.

33. Write magazine articles from time to time. It is also good exposure and leads to some interesting opportunities. If given the choice between writing a WFH chapter or writing an article, choose the article. It pays better.

34. Build a Web site where your readers can get to know you, and where editors can find you. Web search engines are the tools of choice for publishers to find authors. They also search Usenet. In other words, there's no reward in lurking.

35. Create your own listserv to develop a community around your readers. This can become a huge asset for you.

36. Don't upgrade your software right away. Try to wait for the first bug fix. Crashing machines really waste a lot of time.

37. Take Carpal Tunnel Syndrome seriously. Avoid it. Buy yourself a good chair, and set your desk up properly. The first time you feel pain, DO something about it.

38. Sell your unique attributes to publishers. Humility, while admirable, doesn't pay the bills.

39. Don't take your publisher for granted, and never let your publisher take you for granted. You should always be gracious, yet never ashamed to point out the good job that you've done.

40. Take vacations. Corporations don't give vacations to employees because they want to be nice. They grant vacations to keep employees sane. Insanity may be good for painters, but it's not good for computer book authors.

41. Expand your knowledge base by using multiple platforms. If you're a Mac author, buy a PC. Platform limitations can severely limit your career options.

42. Know when new software releases will hit. There's no sense writing a book on a software package with four months of life in it. Unless, of course, you're writing about Netscape.

43. Run some of your own numbers when considering a project. Create your own spreadsheet to determine, in your view, just what the potential earnings will be for the amount of time you spend on a project.

44. Don't work with or for jerks. Life is too short, and you'll waste a lot of time talking about and getting upset with the jerks you work with.

45. Become an expert (or non-expert) in more than a few software programs. Keep playing with the newest tools. Being the first on your block to get to know new software programs can lead to lucrative publishing opportunities.

46. Read other books and learn from other authors' strengths and weaknesses. You must know why a book became a best seller. Never assume that someone was just lucky.

47. Listen to your readers. You work for them. They really do appreciate your hard work and know when you're doing a good job, and they do tell their friends about you if they like your book.

48. Build enough time into your writing schedule for software problems and possible personal tragedies. Something always goes wrong. Professionals understand this and plan for these inevitable occurrences.

49. If problems arise, BE HONEST. Silly excuses sound like silly excuses.

50. If you're going to miss your deadline, let your editor know in advance. It's tough, but not nearly as hard as coming up with a creative excuse to describe why you missed the deadline.

Singular Cake : Mark II

I've been blogging under this title for some time, and occasionally people ask what it means and I refer them to one of my first blogs on here. (http://singularcake.blogspot.com/2006/05/greed-is-not-good.html) But it strikes me that its time for an update.

When I first devised the idea of a new religion called Singular Cake it was a flippant, provocative jab at the idea that anyone could be defined by their religion, anymore than you can categorize people by their skin colour, or their cushion covers. It then evolved into an idea I was proud of - about reducing our carbon footprint, taking each day only what we need - not what we crave, the idea that sharing shouldn't stop at childhood, and that if we all recycled a little more, (shared school runs or baked our neighbours cake when we bake our own,) the world would be less cluttered with our waste and less damaged by our insatiable demand for energy. It was still a dig at orthodox religions that shout 'I'm right, you're wrong!' from the treetops. It was my plea for a religion based on earth's needs that can be inclusive of all the religions including people who have no need for one.

I also happen this week to be working on a new book by Sam S. Nath that is due out soon that has some very interesting points to make about the connections between faiths. You can check it out if you like - http://thesecondcomingofdavinci.info

But now, the green approach has become a real and possible lifestyle choice. Web businesses are booming, where static offices with overheads cannot. Green is the new black. And wave after wave of websites are taking on board that we all have to be ethically more aware, sensitive to the impact we are having, and strive to continually push the envelope.

I want Singular Cake to continue to evolve. So I'm starting with a new wish. I would like global public transport. I would love some little entrepreneur to listen and see the potential in being the first to put their logo out there, their brand name for a world-wide transport network. Someone will do this. And you can tell your children that you read it on Singular Cake first.

WARNING!

No-one likes to be a sucker, but when you've been caught by some unscrupulous business it always feels better having a moan and imagining that you might stop some other poor fool getting caught out.

Flycell have been sending my mobile unwanted texts about music and celeb news. I have no idea how they got my number, but I do recall ticking NO - CANCEL to some pop up on the web, and thinking it seemed intrusive, because you had to confirm 3 different ways that you were not interested. All just to rid myself of a pop-up blocking something I did want to read.

Now I get my phone bill with over 40 unrequested texts for which I have been charged 30 cents a pop. My bill is higher than usual this month to the total of some 15 euros. Its not bank-breaking, but when I check out both Flycell and their parent or umbrella company mBlox on the internet, I see that this is their 'modus operandi' - billing people for pointless irritating texts.

Meanwhile, (and presumably to stave off several thousand lawsuits, denuncias and complaints) mBlox in the States is offering a Sender Pays Data service to businesses - their latest money-spinning venture. Sure, and the proof of this great idea is that they no doubt ahem, allegedly I mean, have a network now of thousands of disgruntled customers across Europe, whose details they may sell on to said businesses. They wouldn't be such bastards, would they?! I hope there is a huge lawsuit pending.

Please take heed. If you see even one unrequested text on your mobile in the name of Flycell or mBlox - immediately text BAJA (if you are in Spain) to 7837 to cancel this 'service'. There are numerous websites, Facebook pages and internet complaints raging about both these companies currently - it doesn't take much of a Google search to find them. So if you are reading this elsewhere in the world, do find your relevant local method to unsubscribe.

You can read more about mBlox here http://www.mblox.com/products/sender-pays-data/ and more about their record of complaints here http://blogs.mirror.co.uk/investigations/2008/06/mblox-fined-again-over-premium.html

Gee, I feel better for getting that off my chest. But I thought I was pretty internet savvy - so it hurt my ego more than my bank balance to be caught out. If you have a similar story , do spill the beans....