I've finally sussed it! Why we need lust as well as love in our lives... Its like this.
The Pattern of Lust
We discover Lust at puberty when we first fall for someone. It's all about being selfish and gratifying our desires. WHICH IS GOOD and essential to our development ! Teenagers have to learn what they want in order to work out how to get it. And normally that means something different from their parents so they can define themselves as distinct. All those sex-crazed teens watching Buffy or Smallville - they are doing their homework on Lust. THIS IS GOOD. Without this experience we do not know how to fulfill our bodies desires.
The Myth of Love
But we've been sold this myth that love and lust are the same. OH NO - THATS WHY WE GO WRONG! All those films showing the heroes IN LURVE suggest that the two forms of love are always found together. Not so...a time and a place for Love and/or Lust.
Real Love or Lust?
Once we've got a handle on teenage lust, and tried sex, we might grow into mature beings who can offer one another Real Love ie platonic selfless undemanding love. But what often happens is we have a series of lust based relationships (dump our friends and family and go sow our wild oats) and then meet THE ONE. We wanna hang on to him or her. We think this means we've found real love but at first it can only be Real Lust... We rarely feel the sort of love that demands nothing in return at this stage.
The Object of Lust
Sometimes all that lust creates a baby, and an important shift occurs. We have to care for this creature and create a good environment for it to grow. Here's our first glimpse of REAL LOVE when we put our wants on hold for the sake of this babe. Lucky parents discover they can be selfless and giving when they look into baby's trusting eyes... Not-so-lucky ones find that lust goes out the window and one of the couple strays looking for it. Not that surprising really, when Society tells us that Sex is Dirty and Nice Women don't want It. Sometimes the new mum becomes swallowed up in all that baby stuff and only offers her partner the same kind of platonic love.
Lost Lust
So the object of Lust is really motivating our species to procreate or satiate our urges - in the sense that we are driven by 'animal passion'. But Lust wanes temporarily as we concentrate on providing for a child. Through loving a child we find that Love can be as fulfilling and wonderful as Lust (but without the distraction of passion.) PROBLEM... As the man is often not as involved in child-rearing he may not feel this overwhelming love for his child at first. So he may revert to Lust to fulfill his needs. If his partner does not offer Lust - he may go elsewhere.
The Object of Love
But if both partners stick it out, Lust does rear its head once more - either to create Baby Two, or to fulfill the personal needs of the parents. And now we have the opportunity to put what we have learned about Love and Lust together. Bingo. Those weird couples who still fancy each other after all these years... now thats IT. Accepting someone with their human imperfections and still wanting to jump their bones...
So the key to it is remembering when we need Love and when it is really Lust we're after. We need both. If we cannot find Lust in our lives, we often stray into different experiences without realising that we're looking for replacement Lust. But pure Love and sincere Lust can and should go hand in hand.
First we only receive Love, then discover Lust, then discover Love and Lust combined, and only when our needs are satisfied do we have the capacity to give Love. Without the revitalizing power of Lust in our lives, we rarely have the awareness and self-control to give selfless Love. So don't relegate those feelings of Lust as unhelpful. Get horny, get satisfied and you'll be more likely to give real love in return.
