Talk about it!

Talking to children can be baffling. We’ve all heard the adage that you should never work with children or animals, generally because they are brutally honest, unintentionally funny and downright unpredictable. But the key to communicating with anyone, be they 5 or 50, goat or goalkeeper, is the same. You can try to explain your message clearly, but unless you know someone’s mindset, cultural background, needs and obsessions, it’s possible that your communication may go astray.

Let’s start with some basics. A good communicator exchanges their ideas, feelings, and values in appropriate language, tone, pitch, and volume. He or she gives relevant information and uses non-verbal signals to emphasize and support the message. After allowing enough time for the message to sink in, he clarifies or repeats key points. Really good communicators then solicit feedback, listen, respond and react to convey their understanding. Sounds easy? Let’s take this process apart to see where the pitfalls are.

Initially, a person tells the world about him or herself by the way they dress, stand, speak and act. So first impressions count, and you can put off your audience at the outset if you haven’t taken this into consideration. I am NOT expecting a burlesque dancer to be attempting to speak to a group of habit-wearing nuns, but don’t make lazy assumptions about your audience when you prepare to communicate effectively.

Assuming you are dressed appropriately and either familiar with the receiver of the message, or from the same social group and background, you should have enough common ground for confidence. Now the delivery method you choose should match the circumstances and needs of the receiver. Don’t use flipcharts and pointers where an informal circle of chairs would be better. If holding a sales pitch, consider whether to invite the audience by phone, email or a personal visit. In Latino countries, for instance, no-one does business unless they are face-to-face. Internet communications are not the first-choice, and therefore your message will die before its inception.

Before you communicate make sure you are aware of the group norms or the team dynamics. Nothing spoils a message more than pitching it at the wrong level. Don’t address the janitor if you need the CEO’s approval. Sounds obvious, but the subtle variation on this is pitching a message that misses the key needs of the company or individual. Do your homework, and make sure that the content of the message will resonate and connect, on some level, with the already-held beliefs of the receiver.
Remember, messages aren't communicated exactly. They depend on the shared knowledge of the two communicators; a shared vocabulary, experience, and world view. And your environment can derail even the clearest of messages. Barriers exist between the sender and the receiver such as cultural differences – a common one being talking in abstract terms, when the receiver is more comfortable calling a spade a spade. Local conditions may also create barriers; if the room has poor acoustics, there are others talking, or outside noises and distractions. Take away the chance of this and you’ve removed some of the filters through which your message will pass.

Your style of language may be very idiosyncratic. For instance, do you understand this sentence: Estimation is challenging since the likelihood function is not globally concave and the data becomes uninformative about learning once equilibrium is achieved. This is taken from an academic paper aimed at professors (The Journal of Applied Econometrics) and may make sense to certain groups but would exclude a huge proportion of the populace. Equally, talking too crudely can demean your message. Study your audience and pick up pointers about what style of delivery will put them at their ease.

‘Listen’ with your eyes for non-verbal communication cues – as the impact of a performance is determined 7 percent by the words used, 38 percent by voice quality, and 55 percent by the nonverbal communication. When we talk with people in person, they constantly reassure us of their attention and understanding, by nodding their heads, touching our arm, making encouraging sounds, or even asking questions. If you spot someone taking a step back, or inclining away from you, you may need to adjust your tone or deliberately try to include them. If they ask intimidating questions, avoid giving a quick defensive response, and take your time to couch the answer in comfortable language. All this conveys the idea that the sender can trust your message, and his company will benefit from a closer association with yours.

Even negative feedback can be turned around by a skilled communicator. Conflict often leads us to the heart of the matter and it is here that we can achieve the most dynamic success. If you have chosen an appropriate delivery method it should suit you as well as the receiver. Use your skill in the communication medium to express the particular need your product will satisfy or the intuitive way your company works.

As the receiver, you may filter what the speaker is saying because it seems unimportant to your current needs or too difficult in the short term. By observing facial clues of discontent, a speaker can bring an entire audience back on board with a reinforcement of the most salient point of the message. Mentioning the point that everyone agrees on reminds us we have common ground, defuses conflict and brings the mob mentality to bear on a group decision.

We can take a few tips from social media communication too. Facebook works by keying into our primeval need to join in. The power of gossip is that it can spread a message quicker and further than any other method – from the water cooler to the global markets. Conversely, Twitter or text speak excludes the older generation and promotes the ‘cool’ factor by using urban slang. Email communication has been observed to cause ‘flaming’ where the receiver of the message becomes incensed by a perceived slight. This is caused when we have no verbal nuances, facial cues or non-verbal signs to observe that communicate a person’s good intent. Check your message for these sending and receiving tips and pitfalls, to deliberately exclude or include certain groups. Use new media to open up communications globally and broadcast your message further and faster.

Follow-up work to ascertain how your message has been received is invaluable. Teachers know that it is the learner who controls the actual amount of learning going on, and similarly it is the receiver who filters the message that is actually received. Knowing that the message worked and conveyed your point after the event tells you that your method was successful, but the reason why your method failed is even more important as it gives you clues to refine it for the next opportunity. Getting that feedback will make all the difference.

Communicating with either type of 'kids' therefore – the human or animal ones – will involve you getting down in the farmyard dirt or sandpit to establish your common ground. Whatever type of message you are trying to convey, you can't beat the direct eye-level approach. After all, most of us can spot a 'kidder' whose gaze is evasive...can't we?